There were a few things I wanted to title this post like “Why you shouldn’t barr the trying of wanting kids?”, or the popular number list type blogs, “5 reasons why you shouldn’t prevent the wanting of kids once married”, I recently helped a newly married wife, who believes in Jesus, navigate her choices regarding physically delaying the conception of children.
I understand marriage and decisions within marriage are an intimate thing.
So because I aided her by sharing or confirming the amounts of research online and in books on a woman’s ovulation cycle and natural barrier methods a couple can use, I can only share why my husband and I chose to not avoid the conception of a child as soon as we got married.
This is in hopes to encourage others not to delay either.
The sharing of scripture will be used throughout this blog and all our blogs, because my husband and I are born-again Christian believers. The Word of God is our guide in all.
So to get on with it we truly believe this scripture:
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Having children is an heritage which means a blessing and a testament of God’s goodness.
We believe marriage, especially a Christian marriage helps first provide a companion for one another, exclusive sexual intimacy so to quench sexual sin, and to be fruitful and multiply in whatever area a couple finds themselves in, whether it be their job, place of residence and of course childbearing.
Interestingly, there is controversy on if marriage is for childbearing. To us there is no argument to it. If a woman is unable to have children for any reason it is because of the sin dating back to the fall of Man in the Garden of Eden. Maybe not from her individual sins, but the sin that affected all humanity.
I understand marriage and decisions within marriage are an intimate thing.
Having children was agreed by both us during our courtship period
We believe the time in which a couple is getting to know each other is very important. We believe in courtship rather than dating. A season of purposeful and concentrated time of getting to know one another, but pursuing the institution of marriage and also planning your family life as well. We talked about many things like the desires/expectations we had for one another, personal goals, as well as the number of children we would like to have and when. We planned to start trying right away, so there would not be any confusion as to a surprise pregnancy. I was listening to a famous all girl group talk show in the United States the other day and one of the co-hosts announced she was divorcing her husband because he now wanted children and she didn’t. We don’t agree with the desire to not have children in marriage, but the fact is they had agreed before they got married. He was ok with not having kids and so they actively avoided conception during intercourse. People can change in marriage, yes, but a plan is still valid and important to make.
Having children is the result of physical intimacy.
When a female and male come together, the female receiving and male giving, this usually results in conception, an sperm meeting an egg; unless the body isn’t ready for conception, can’t receive it, or is blocked from conception via birth control contraception and the likes. We believe as married couples, God wants you to enjoy each other sexually to the highest levels on earth. We were not going to deprive each other of any feelings via barrier methods that may sometimes take feelings away. Sexual fulfillment is an area that is failing in many homes and a reason why homes break. We don’t want that for our marriage. I plan on sharing things we do to keep our sexual lives at it’s peak on this blog. Because SEX in God’s ordained institution of marriage should be celebrated not hidden. As you read in my birth story the first time my husband “made love” as we like to put it, I didn’t conceive because my body was not prepared for conceiving at that time. In God’s timing I eventually did conceive.
Having children helps bring your marriage closer.
I know I have read some writings and blogs, as well as heard from people who advised me to not have children right away. “Enjoy your marriage” they said. For me it is a myth that your marriage won’t be enjoyed once you have children. To enjoy your marriage is a mindset! Just as biblical love is not a feeling but an action. We choose to make time for each other, and again there will be another blog post on how we do so with the one child we have now. But I know the experience from the conception of our daughter Hannah to her birth, we have had to work through any conflicting feelings we may have had during our pregnancy, making us champions in more things in our marriage. With Hannah’s crying, nappy changes, playing, teaching, feedings and sleeping routines it has truly made us even more selfless as individuals. If one of us ever felt like we didn’t want to do something the other loves, like me cooking for my husband or my husband helping me with the dishes afterwards, it doesn’t cross my mind because we have a child who looks up us; who by our example we must train to also emulate the love of Jesus Christ within our home, and her future home and marriage. I praise and respect my husband more than ever because I see the love on an intimate level that he has for something he helped create, our daughter.
Having children now helped us rest assured for of our future and that at least we will have tried and had one biological child live past us.
The rate at which women are sharing stories of miscarriages, stillbirths and of infertility is ever-increasing. This actually isn’t old news and has been happening for years, even women dying during childbirth. But due to social media and media in general, women are bold enough to share their stories of the struggles they have faced in trying to conceive or in losing a child once they have conceived. Research has shown so many reasons as to why women are going through this, some being environmental influences, biological abnormalities, problems related to the husband, and so much more. We certainly don’t know what our bodies are capable of. Only God knows. Even if we checked out ok health-wise, many do and still can’t bear a child. So we feel it is wise you don’t avoid the possibility of children as newlyweds to avoid being saddened in case having a biological child in the future isn’t likely.
Also career wise, if you are a woman with a husband in support of you pursuing a calling outside of the home, work-wise it can get busy. I know a woman who had a child as soon as they married and 4,5,6 years later still don’t have any more because one, they may be actively trying to avoid getting pregnant either naturally or non-naturally (which we don’t agree with) or two, truthfully the stress of working outside of the home coupled with taking care of a home, as well as catering to their marriage may make conception hard.
All in all, whatever reason that may be hindering you as a married couple to wait to conceive, God will honor your decision because you chose it. He won’t run ahead of it or run behind it. If there is a surprise of conception I pray you embrace it with open arms. If you are engaged and are about to marry I pray you consider the points above and start to prepare for a home with children. There are a few resources I loved using to learn about conceiving our child and raising children in a Christian home:
Comment below. Do you plan on having children rights away?nIf you waited share your reasons why.
Your Sister in Christ,
Come back Next week to find ‘A reflection of 2017 as a family’ and the first event we held under a God ordained ministry Lead by us, Kingdom Love Connect.