Naturally, we should all know we are marrying human beings. Meaning your spouse will mess up, will offend you, you will offend your spouse and my husband and I are no different.
My new book is OFFICIALLY OUT for e-copies here on our website, and for those in Nigeria to buy in Naira on Okada books. In my book I mention due to the fact I love my husband and divorce has been made a NON-OPTION in our marriage, I know whenever my husband and I would have an a rift, a disagreement, a period of maybe taking time out to ourselves to cool off, I know we would have to come together again intimately/sexually because I am deeply attracted to my husband and I enjoy making love to him.
There are times when (most of the times it is from my emotional ups and downs) I would start over spilling my mind, need to share my viewpoint on a matter. I will just think later oh GOSH how am I going to recover from this?! I feel so stressed, how am I going to form an apology to make my husband understand I am so sorry and what I said came out a way I didn’t intend for it to come out; Or I was just sharing my feelings because I still want our marriage and family to win, all in the hopes when I curl in bed I can just hold him hug him, and make love to him in bed and out of bed(to be real)
Thankfully my husband is a Child of God, a Born Again Kingdom beliver, because he has this phrase and marriage motto we live by, “he has forgiven me already.” I am grateful for that, but even in his human suit he can still get hurt and that is ok.. because we are two individuals coming together as one, living together for the first times in our lives! So there are times when he needs time for himself to make sure his reaction to me is loving and sweet…GOSH I LOVE MY HUSBAND. He never wants to raise his voice at me or inflict any physical pain to me EVER for any wrong doing I may have thought I have done.
So how do we and can you come together intimately with your spouse after an explosive or emotional time:
- Well, it is not a science you must FORGIVE.
21Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18: 21-22
Forgiveness helps me and my husband both soften our hearts towards each other. We release each others faults from our minds and so we aren’t holding captive thoughts of knowing that one mistake the other makes will continue to happen. Even if it does, I pray and believe my husband will help me more with a particular area of Hannah’s care(which he has) for example..etc..
2. Once you acknowledge with your spouse s/he has forgiven you and moved on, even if it means having a discussion about the matter or choosing not to talk about it then, just STARTING the act helps trust me.
Starting after an explosive episode/rift can seem difficult but honestly the way our bodies, touch, and making love is set up, especially if you and your spouse have had good experiences of intimate times together, just kissing an intimate spot or the lips of the spouse hopefully should kick things off. If it doesn’t I am sorry. Haha it really should though! For me and most of us ladies, making love starts mentally and so we may psych ourselves out to think oh how is it going to be when we start kissing? May I bring myself to relax? But once I start to kiss my husband and I make him give me a BIG bear hug, my mind starts to relax and the rest of the body follows suit.
3. Know really, GOD the Father himself did not bring your spouse to you to be your enemy, contrary to what may have gone down between you two. He wants you and your spouse to be LOVERS and to enjoy intimacy PHYSICALLY to the HIGHEST degree.
I post here and there on social media exerts on one of my favourite books on sexual intimacy:
I always get lots of responses on people wanting me to share more pages out of the book. The underline message of my posting is that God loves sex, sex is a good thing, and making love in marriage should be regular and should be enjoyed. For me I know that and keep that in the front of my head : D. I know that no matter what happens my husband is for me and never against me! Scientifically making love creates dopamine and releases endorphins that makes you happier all around. It brings you closer to your spouse when you’ve felt far from each other during whatever you are going through. If you are the spouse that wants to make love, do not feel bad in initiating. Initiate, initiate, initiate and I will leave you with that.
The next blog will be on being the spouse that may need to initiate, and making room/time for physical intimacy in the busy-ness of life. <3
In His Love,
What are your thoughts on reconciling intimately once you’ve had a disagreement with your spouse?
