Are They Truly Your Friend?

I don’t know how many times I have had conversations with my husband in our “a little over a year marriage” on friendship. On so many occasions I would bring up this topic candidly, confused, sad or hopeful; on some occasions believing the friends I thought I had, would be better friends.

From adolescence most of us learn:

Friends come and go.

They may be there for a long time or for a season of life. We can’t predict their length of stay but we can be present when they are in our lives and be prepared when they leave, there is a specific reason and it’s always for our good. Whether it’s from growing apart because of circumstances like marriage, jobs, moving locations etc.. we need to be rest assured it’s for our good.

In our adult years we understand a few good friends are better than none. Many research studies show we as humans need companionship and shouldn’t be alone all the time. So having a few GOOD friends are better than none.

Then there is me, a 70% extrovert, 30% introvert because I LOVE my quiet time with the Lord, myself and time with my family. Moving across the world too, thankfully some of my friends in the Lord back in the USA are strong and there for me but I was also looking forward to building existing and making new friendships in my new environment.

But as Christians believers, we know we have our own desires and God has His own including all things in friendships.

True biblical friends, using Jesus as an example aren’t ones you don’t talk to in a year and pick up where you left off. True friends check on each other, hangout with each other if they can, are open and honest with each other and about each other. As a believer, Jesus Christ should be our ultimate friend whom is always readily available to talk and pray to; as a spouse my husband is the next and best human friend I have and whom I most confide in; a good book on Christian marriage though encourages more physical friendships with other Christian couples, who also believe in Christ for fellowship and accountability, should be obtained,

The spark that lite up in writing this blog was because the friends I thought I had, weren’t proving what a friend should be. I would often force conversation, or reach out with no response for days. My husband just stated POINT BLANK… “Honey, these are not your friends and when you attain a level of status in life these same people and many would want to be your friend”.

Now how can you identify if someone is truly your “friend”. From our podcast we defined true friendship as:

Friendship is the joint companionship of the trinity. You, your, friend and God

A TRUE friend in a FRIENDSHIP is:

Faithful. Has faith and portrays faith to you. They are there during the ups and downs in life. They can pray with you, talk with you and are optimistic about your situation and vocalize it to you!

Reliable. You can count on a friend in an emergency situation. They are consistent and reliable in just reaching out to a friend and getting a response back. In a marriage showing up during times you are expecting your spouse or expecting yourself measures out true friendship.

Initiates. Friends initiate conversation, plans, encouragement in words and actions. This isn’t forced and you don’t have to be forced to explain this to a someone you call a friend, but you can also initiate this kind gesture.

Empathetic. As a friend myself I want to be able to feel in a metaphoric sense and understand what my friend is going through. It shows I care and provides comfort to a friend. I would want the same as well in my friend.

Neighbor. The Bible states we are to love our neighbor as yourself. A neighbor doesn’t have to live directly next to you, and can be anywhere! Our friends are our neighbor and so treating them with respect is like treating ourselves with respect, if we treat them poorly then we treat ourselves poorly.

Dependable. A friend is someone you can call on during a time of need or even to celebrate with you in more joyful times. Not an almost every time champion but a daily or weekly or monthly champion.

Sacrificial. In our Christian faith Jesus gave of himself. A friend will give of themselves when it’s comfortable and uncomfortable. They will sacrifice their time and sometimes their financial or other physical assets. Like a friend loaning you a book or their car, their living space or giving up their clothes or shoes on their backs.

Honest. My ultimate friend Jesus has a book full of scripture that is full of honest advice. We as friends should emulate that and speak the truth in love to our friends. Not as a show off but in sincerity.

Inclusive. Friends are to be transparent in matters and to include friends in situations one can learn from. Inclusiveness creates a deeper relationship within your friends

Prayerful. True friends pray together and fellowship together. They keep each other accountable and confess their faults and sin to each other to commit to prayer.

These were taken from the infographic on friendship, prayerfully created by my husband David.

In a world of Social media who we have as a true friend can be confusing. The friend you have added who is a totally different faith from you and maybe wants to sleep with you rather than help you pursue purity shouldn’t be counted as a REAL friend as described above.

Even for me I have had to acknowledge the term friend has been thrown around so much and so loosely by me, but most people are my acquaintances or just Brother or Sisters in the Lord.

One thing my husband and I have really enjoyed doing is cherishing and cultivating the REAL friendships we do have by hosting friends on the weekends, talking, encouraging each other and sometimes playing songs and reading scriptures together.

And if you are looking for better friends, BE who you want to attract and also pray for better friends, they will come! Always be ready to change them out though depending on the season. I would say my BEST female friend has changed to my friend here in the UK or I was blessed to have one in the UK and one in the USA because we are in the same season, married with children who both love the Lord and helping those with mental illness.

I pray this blog helps you keep and cherish those that matter in your life and be open to bringing new friends in!

Below are pictures on just some of the food I have served this January and February where we have invited one friend or the other almost every weekend in 2018.

Turkey Mince or Ground Turkey Lasagna

Egusi Soup with chicken and spinach leaves paired with rice on the side. White rice ONLY because we had guests and that was the only one left in our store.